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Hope During the Holidays

12/18/2023

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The Advent season is a time of preparation for the coming of Christmas and the reminder of the birth of Jesus. What does this mean for us in our everyday hurried lives during this busy season? To me, it is a time of peace, hope and joy. Let’s focus on the hope today. Hold onto the thought that hope will get us through. That doesn’t mean that we always get what we hope for, but that we are, in the end, always protected and strengthened to get through what comes in our lives.

Advent is a time of hope, and that can be very welcome during times of war , financial crisis, and other challenges. On some days I believe hope is one of the only things we do have (an object) and a step we can take (hope is an action). When I was at church a week or so ago this was brought home to me again by Fr. Garrett Galvin of Franciscan School of Theology. I’m sure I’ve used the word in both ways, and yet I’d not acknowledged the fact it was both action and thing, verb and noun. If one has a spiritual connection, I do believe it may be easier. But hope, in the end, is the mental or spiritual or emotional trust that something will happen or come to be in the future. I saw a picture when perusing the Internet looking for some different views of hope. The Christian view of hope at this time of Advent is that of focusing on light instead of darkness; the Judaic of Hannukah is hope in the midst of darkness. Essentially the message of hope is to trust that there will be light, brightness, change, or answers once the day is again well-lit or the time of difficulty passes. 

Henri Nouwen wrote of radical hope:  He wrote that it is waiting with openness and trust – (wow, hard to do!) that “something is happening for us that is far beyond our own imaginings.”  I have to tell you, that is not something I can do daily – leaning far beyond into a Source, for me a source of strength from my God despite anything that I might encounter in life. I may seek to be that strong, but it is a daily choice.

And that’s the funny thing about hope, it is a choice, and it is a gift. We don’t always realize this, but it’s true. I know how hard it is to hope amid those dark seasons. When all one has hoped for or believed to be true is suddenly turned upside down, leaving us bereft, questioning the reality of all one believes or holds sacred in life or a relationship. So how to change and lean in more fully to hope?

It takes daily living in hope to finally feel it. It can be unbelievably difficult, but hope demands we keep moving before we feel it. The paradox I’ve found to be true is that I must act on hope, trusting I will eventually feel it, and by the time I do the most challenging times have finally passed.  I want to feel it before and during the tough time. But while I consciously hold onto the thought of it, the feeling comes after recovery from cancer, after one has finalized the divorce on all levels and gone on to live a new life, or after one’s energy rebuilds following surgery or chemotherapy. Or has it? Isn’t hope the living – the belief things will get better…and the time we can see the results the effect of the hope?  Think about how that might apply in your life. You might be surprised to find you have some hope – you’re just not acting on or living it.

Make no mistake, living a radical hope in which one believes life will improve beyond one’s expectations, is not easy. And, especially during this Advent season, lean into your Higher Power, and trust in the hope that things will get better. It will give one some modicum of peace in the moment. Despite the migraines, nausea, sleepless nights, or worried days we may also experience, hope says “but this will change and improve eventually.”  So, through personal crisis, or preparation for Christmas, or through Hanukkah, or as one tends the crops before Kwanzaa–may the last weeks of Advent and December be a month of radical hope for you.

Take care,
​
Dr. Beth

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Managing the Holidays

12/2/2023

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Picture
Is your holiday season different this year?  Maybe you must work and can’t be at events with family or friends.  Perhaps you are feeling depressed and anxious already, and as you are learning to manage it, with holidays upon you, you are feeling you’ll never get hold of the emotions.  It’s possible someone close to you died this year, and the point of holidays seems removed from you.  Or maybe you are struggling with an illness and so the thought of holidays, food, or get-togethers just isn’t as important to you as you deal with the illness.  Whatever may be different this year for you, perhaps we can simplify it a bit and make your holidays not just manageable but truly meaningful.

1   Breathe In, Breathe Out: Finding Calm Amidst the Chaos

Keep calm and take 3 deep, slow breaths.
So, the idea here is to just stop – slow down – breath.  For those of you who have anxiety, pain, or need to take a bit more time, I love this practice and recommend it regularly.  For the breaths:
  1. Breath in slowly through your nose to the count of 4.
  2. Hold that breath to the count of 7.
  3. Release the breath slowly to the count of 8.

2   Perfectionism: Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

My struggle during the holidays is perfectionism. I tend to want everything impeccably done – from perfectly wrapped gifts to a flawlessly decorated home. Over the years, I've learned to prioritize and let go of unrealistic expectations. As Brene Brown wisely puts it, I strive for healthy goals rather than falling into the trap of perfectionism. By avoiding paralysis and exhaustion, I aim for a balanced and enjoyable holiday season, recognizing that some years may be minimal while others are more involved. The key is to move through the holidays in a healthier way, ensuring a better start to the new year on January 1.
​
3   Shopping Simplified: A Guide to Thoughtful Gifting
 
Consider alternative, stress-free ways for gift-giving, especially if you're facing health challenges, financial constraints, or a lack of shopping energy. Opt for online orders, catalog browsing, or thoughtful gift cards that can be easily purchased through your computer, tablet, or a simple phone call. Another heartfelt approach is sharing homemade treats or creating personalized gifts, such as notes of appreciation or cherished memories. These gestures can forge connections and bring joy without the need for extensive shopping expeditions.

You can get creative.  Check out Pinterest for ideas.  Ask your friends for their thoughts or what they’ve done.  The goal here is to keep it simple and low stress whatever you choose to purchase or make.
 
4   Downtime: The Secret Ingredient to a Balanced Holiday
 
While prioritizing rest may seem mundane, it's a crucial step, especially when combating fatigue. Fatigue impairs our ability to navigate life effectively. Mental Health America emphasizes that rest isn't just about regaining energy; it regulates hormones, aids muscle repair, enhances cognitive functions, and acts as a buffer against depression and headaches. Consider the wisdom of our canine companions—experts at ensuring they get the rest they need. As a dog owner, I've learned from my dog's trainer that downtime is essential for both the pet and owner relationship. Just as my dog needs it to relax, I need it to maintain a sense of control and well-being. Therefore, for your own sake, prioritize and book your downtime first.
 
5   Feelings: Acknowledging and Embracing
 
Navigating holiday emotions can be challenging when there's pressure to be constantly cheerful. However, acknowledging and processing your true feelings is essential for a smoother journey through this season. Whether through journaling, confiding in a friend, talking to a therapist, expressing yourself through art, or simply recognizing your emotions, taking these steps helps you own and understand your feelings. Avoiding emotions only delays their expression and may lead to unintended outbursts. Devote just five minutes to journaling or quiet reflection—it can make a significant difference in overcoming emotional bottlenecks.
 
6   Mindful Consumption: Balancing Indulgence and Wellness
 
While indulging during the holidays is common, it's crucial to maintain balance. Remember to stay hydrated, incorporate exercise or walks, limit sugars and alcohol, and uphold your usual vitamin and self-care routines. Even one day of following these guidelines contributes to better overall health. If dealing with addiction, prioritize sobriety, considering extra meetings if needed. Explore available support during Christmas, as many areas offer 24-hour meetings for those struggling. The holiday season isn't about the quantity of challenges but how we carry them. Embrace spiritual practices, whether through reading, meditation, or attending religious services, to stay grounded. Take time for rest, reflection, and connection with your spiritual beliefs, fostering a sense of peace and vitality. Ensure a day of rest, reflecting on gratitude and spiritual connection, throughout the holiday season. Prioritize self-care amidst the week's hectic pace, approaching each day in December with a focus on your well-being rather than conforming to perceived expectations.
 
7   Spiritual Connection: Nourishing the Soul
 
Don’t forget to take time to connect with and nurture your soul. Whether it’s meditation, reading a spiritual book or the Bible, or taking a walk in nature, feed your soul during this hectic season. Sometimes when the holidays get hectic, we forget to pray and ask for guidance. We tend to put God on a shelf because we would rather be getting things done rather than praying about what needs to be done. But God will never be outdone in generosity. Give time to prayer and meditation and you’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish.

As we embark on this journey together, remember that the holidays are not about the challenges we face but how we live through them. Join us in creating a season of simplicity, mindfulness, and genuine joy. Stay tuned for insights, tips, and a sprinkle of inspiration to make this holiday season your most meaningful one yet.
Take care,
Dr. Beth
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