Money Fear, Money Binds, Money Lessons
It seems this is going to be another year of financial fear for many. Perhaps a little less fear of losing more, but certainly fear of having enough. And for many, they are facing losses of homes, cars, credit. So how is one to deal with this? Well, rather than go to only the therapy library, I consulted one of my favorite money guru sources, Suze Orman. (Disclosure: that’s not advice to use her for your money planning—that’s not my specialty, but she does have some great writing on the financial fears we have.)
Looking back at her book, “The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom”, she uses some very good family systems psychology in asking us to consider our financial views. Financial challenges are something everyone faces, all that differs is how you are individually impacted. So, let’s look at what you can do about it.
First, look at what money meant when you were growing up. Did it mean arguments? Ice cream and calm? Sadness? Shame? Expectation it would be there? Do some journaling on this—what did it mean? Look at the pictures that come to your mind about your family, your parents, your allowance or your first job. Listen for the message your parents gave you. Your bosses. Even your spiritual resources.
Second, list the fears and beliefs that you learned from those relationships and experiences. Then look at how they are being re-enacted now. If you had fear of having nothing, do you have nothing now? Or do you have it but you constantly fear losing it? So you avoid it? A common fear for women is a fear of becoming a “bag lady”. Another person maybe living on the basis of a parents message, “You’ll never hold a job”. What is the mantra you are using? What is the fear?
Third, release the past. Not so easy, as any therapist or client will tell you. But try writing it down, shredding it, and writing a new belief. If you fear being a bag lady, perhaps the bags need to be bags of money. If you fear new being able to hold a job, perhaps you can change it to a view of moving forward to new opportunities and learning from each. Change the picture.
Fourth, look at the shame you are feeling right now about your financial situation. Write it down. Study it. Feel it. Talk to someone about it. Shame will only be silenced and disempowered by shining a light on it. Only then can you begin to respect yourself. And that is the next step. You have to respect yourself to respect your money.
Fifth, ask others for advice who are knowledgeable, but trust your gut. Any financial planner will tell you that you must respect your ability to take risk, make choices based on it, and then move forward. But if you don’t respect yourself, you won’t do what you need to do to feel safe.
If you look, list, release, talk, and ask, you will find new ways to deal with your financial fears. Old definition of insanity—doing the same thing expect-ing different results. This year—do it differently.
Looking back at her book, “The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom”, she uses some very good family systems psychology in asking us to consider our financial views. Financial challenges are something everyone faces, all that differs is how you are individually impacted. So, let’s look at what you can do about it.
First, look at what money meant when you were growing up. Did it mean arguments? Ice cream and calm? Sadness? Shame? Expectation it would be there? Do some journaling on this—what did it mean? Look at the pictures that come to your mind about your family, your parents, your allowance or your first job. Listen for the message your parents gave you. Your bosses. Even your spiritual resources.
Second, list the fears and beliefs that you learned from those relationships and experiences. Then look at how they are being re-enacted now. If you had fear of having nothing, do you have nothing now? Or do you have it but you constantly fear losing it? So you avoid it? A common fear for women is a fear of becoming a “bag lady”. Another person maybe living on the basis of a parents message, “You’ll never hold a job”. What is the mantra you are using? What is the fear?
Third, release the past. Not so easy, as any therapist or client will tell you. But try writing it down, shredding it, and writing a new belief. If you fear being a bag lady, perhaps the bags need to be bags of money. If you fear new being able to hold a job, perhaps you can change it to a view of moving forward to new opportunities and learning from each. Change the picture.
Fourth, look at the shame you are feeling right now about your financial situation. Write it down. Study it. Feel it. Talk to someone about it. Shame will only be silenced and disempowered by shining a light on it. Only then can you begin to respect yourself. And that is the next step. You have to respect yourself to respect your money.
Fifth, ask others for advice who are knowledgeable, but trust your gut. Any financial planner will tell you that you must respect your ability to take risk, make choices based on it, and then move forward. But if you don’t respect yourself, you won’t do what you need to do to feel safe.
If you look, list, release, talk, and ask, you will find new ways to deal with your financial fears. Old definition of insanity—doing the same thing expect-ing different results. This year—do it differently.