Ouch! I hurt inside
"I never feel good enough!" "I'd better do it for myself-my partner may not do it." "I never trust anyone!" "I fear no one will ever love me."
Do those sound like you? We know that infants need special time with mom to bond and attach. And we know that children and adolescents who haven't formed healthy attachments have behavioral problems. But what happens to adults who never formed healthy attachments? Sadly, they often verbalize messages like the above.
Reactive Attachment Disorder begins in early childhood but the ravages of it are evident in many adults. The scars are often summed up as a deep, abiding, black hole in the soul that never feels like it is filled, soothed, or bearable to acknowledge. It causes lots of other problems like eating disorders, behavioral problems, obsessions, depression, compulsions, and every manner of addiction.
Attachment difficulties in adults can be helped. Judith Viorst speaks of attachment difficulties we must all work through in her book Necessary Losses. Mom rarely, if ever, can provide all we need. And we must leave mom emotionally as well as physically in our adulthood. While an adult relationship with mom can be a wonderful gift, we must let go of our child needs that were never met.
For a client with an attachment problem, however, this process is much more difficult Adults adopted as children, adults who experienced insecurity in their attachment to mom, must go back and identify the experiences they had. Not every one. But a good number of the painful and sad times and feelings. Only then can they move on to truly adult relationships with parents and intimate relationships with partners and their own children.
It's never too late! You can find answers to your painful feelings. Your soul can feel nourished. Reach out. A therapist who understands attachment difficulties will help you take stock of what happened. They'll help you get your history straight. You'll experience the peace which follows identifying the traps and pitfalls of your youth and express the pain and sadness you've bottled up, put on a shelf in the back of the closet and bolted the door on. Simple mental gymnastics and willpower don't heal, unfortunately. But you, and your little child who is so sad and frightened deserve a chance in the light!
Do those sound like you? We know that infants need special time with mom to bond and attach. And we know that children and adolescents who haven't formed healthy attachments have behavioral problems. But what happens to adults who never formed healthy attachments? Sadly, they often verbalize messages like the above.
Reactive Attachment Disorder begins in early childhood but the ravages of it are evident in many adults. The scars are often summed up as a deep, abiding, black hole in the soul that never feels like it is filled, soothed, or bearable to acknowledge. It causes lots of other problems like eating disorders, behavioral problems, obsessions, depression, compulsions, and every manner of addiction.
Attachment difficulties in adults can be helped. Judith Viorst speaks of attachment difficulties we must all work through in her book Necessary Losses. Mom rarely, if ever, can provide all we need. And we must leave mom emotionally as well as physically in our adulthood. While an adult relationship with mom can be a wonderful gift, we must let go of our child needs that were never met.
For a client with an attachment problem, however, this process is much more difficult Adults adopted as children, adults who experienced insecurity in their attachment to mom, must go back and identify the experiences they had. Not every one. But a good number of the painful and sad times and feelings. Only then can they move on to truly adult relationships with parents and intimate relationships with partners and their own children.
It's never too late! You can find answers to your painful feelings. Your soul can feel nourished. Reach out. A therapist who understands attachment difficulties will help you take stock of what happened. They'll help you get your history straight. You'll experience the peace which follows identifying the traps and pitfalls of your youth and express the pain and sadness you've bottled up, put on a shelf in the back of the closet and bolted the door on. Simple mental gymnastics and willpower don't heal, unfortunately. But you, and your little child who is so sad and frightened deserve a chance in the light!