Parenting is Not for Wimps!
Parenting is challenging and often leads to frustration when the tried and true parenting techniques have no effect - or make things worse. We see many people who are frustrated, tired, hopeless. There is hope and there are new ideas for success.
Know your child's personality style. This is a clue to what techniques work best. If your child is oppositional, you need to find ways to regain control of your home and child! Know each child's personality pattern and tailor your interventions to both the situation and the child.
Daniel Goleman, in Emotional Intelligence, advises we must teach youth to handle emotions. How emotionally smart is your child or adolescent? According to Goleman if we do not teach our children to identify and handle feelings they will be more depressed, angry, violent, and have eating disorders, drug abuse histories, and legal problems. Is your child able to identify the basic 5: Mad, Sad, Glad, Afraid, Shame? Or, is your child told it's not acceptable to have certain feelings? Help your youth by first identifying feelings and then modeling and instructing appropriate behavior. For example, rather than hitting another child or the television in anger, a child can hit a ball, paint, pray, dance, or otherwise release the feeling in safe and respectful ways.
Another parenting challenge often overlooked is the youth with above average intelligence. Consider: are you more concerned with your youth or with how he/she "makes you look"? It is important the child be allowed to develop according to his own schedule and not be pushed to excel. Often, children who are bright do not want to do an activity or an assignment until they can do it perfectly. An important area of parenting is to teach them to accept less than perfection by accepting their valiant efforts as enthusiastically as their successes. Remember that balance is important as he/she grows up: social, creative, intellectual, physical and spiritual challenges need to be available and encouraged. Often the creative and intellectual sides would both grow if we were aware and didnt' divert all attention to the intellectual. Musical talent is often overlooked in favor of mathematics.
Oppositional pre-teens and teens are more frequently being seen in mental health settings. These youth are brought in for counseling by parents unable to gain cooperation or by the legal system. James Keim, MSW, recommends parents to learn to take back control of three areas; when a confrontation takes place: who is controlling it; and who determines the mood. When a parent learns to use new techniques with warmth and love, techniques such as "we'll deal with it later", the use of discipline in ways which do not require the youth's cooperation, and use of natural consequences require the youth's cooperation, and use of the natural consequences often bring homes back under the control of the parent. Independence and responsibility is still earned but the teen is no longer inappropriately in charge of the home. Books such as Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Cline and Fay, Get Out of My Life; but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall? by Wolf, and Setting Limits by MacKenzie provide parents with tools for change.
Parenting is not for wimps. Parent support groups, parenting classes, and family counseling are all available and often can assist in bringing a family together when the fur is flying. This is the most important job you'll ever do--I commend you on your efforts and challenge you to get help when you need it. While I do not work with children and teens, I am available to help you as the parent!
Know your child's personality style. This is a clue to what techniques work best. If your child is oppositional, you need to find ways to regain control of your home and child! Know each child's personality pattern and tailor your interventions to both the situation and the child.
Daniel Goleman, in Emotional Intelligence, advises we must teach youth to handle emotions. How emotionally smart is your child or adolescent? According to Goleman if we do not teach our children to identify and handle feelings they will be more depressed, angry, violent, and have eating disorders, drug abuse histories, and legal problems. Is your child able to identify the basic 5: Mad, Sad, Glad, Afraid, Shame? Or, is your child told it's not acceptable to have certain feelings? Help your youth by first identifying feelings and then modeling and instructing appropriate behavior. For example, rather than hitting another child or the television in anger, a child can hit a ball, paint, pray, dance, or otherwise release the feeling in safe and respectful ways.
Another parenting challenge often overlooked is the youth with above average intelligence. Consider: are you more concerned with your youth or with how he/she "makes you look"? It is important the child be allowed to develop according to his own schedule and not be pushed to excel. Often, children who are bright do not want to do an activity or an assignment until they can do it perfectly. An important area of parenting is to teach them to accept less than perfection by accepting their valiant efforts as enthusiastically as their successes. Remember that balance is important as he/she grows up: social, creative, intellectual, physical and spiritual challenges need to be available and encouraged. Often the creative and intellectual sides would both grow if we were aware and didnt' divert all attention to the intellectual. Musical talent is often overlooked in favor of mathematics.
Oppositional pre-teens and teens are more frequently being seen in mental health settings. These youth are brought in for counseling by parents unable to gain cooperation or by the legal system. James Keim, MSW, recommends parents to learn to take back control of three areas; when a confrontation takes place: who is controlling it; and who determines the mood. When a parent learns to use new techniques with warmth and love, techniques such as "we'll deal with it later", the use of discipline in ways which do not require the youth's cooperation, and use of natural consequences require the youth's cooperation, and use of the natural consequences often bring homes back under the control of the parent. Independence and responsibility is still earned but the teen is no longer inappropriately in charge of the home. Books such as Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Cline and Fay, Get Out of My Life; but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall? by Wolf, and Setting Limits by MacKenzie provide parents with tools for change.
Parenting is not for wimps. Parent support groups, parenting classes, and family counseling are all available and often can assist in bringing a family together when the fur is flying. This is the most important job you'll ever do--I commend you on your efforts and challenge you to get help when you need it. While I do not work with children and teens, I am available to help you as the parent!