March and April always bring Easter at some point to our world. Some celebrate, some don’t. To me, it always elicits memories of Mrs. Mikita’s third grade classroom in Elmhurst, IL. She had tulip decorations throughout the classroom, on the bulletin boards, on the blackboards, on the windows. The bright colored flowers, and the bright Easter eggs meant that spring was here, Easter was coming, and snow would eventually be melting and leaving. (Although sometimes to return at least once more!) But it was rebirth, joy, new life, and joyful times ahead. And for those following Christian tradition, that is exactly what Easter brings – rebirth, new life possible, and joy that knew no previous bounds.
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Last time we looked at Senior isolation, loneliness and depression for our loved ones who are living on their own, or maybe even with you. But, what about those in assisted living? How can they feel isolated when there are other people around them? How can they feel lonely when they are almost never alone?
Loneliness among the elderly is not merely a lack of companionship; it's the absence of meaningful connections that once defined their daily lives. If they don’t feel truly connected to or supported by the people around them, being with them may not provide enough fulfillment to combat loneliness. They may no longer have the relationships that once meant so much to them. It's difficult to watch a loved one navigate the waters of loneliness and depression. And loneliness and depression in seniors has some health risks associated with it, including heart disease and stroke. And for those with heart failure, the risk of emergency room visits, or hospitalization increases. So, what can we do to help the people we love deal with these feelings. Keeping a senior active and engaged might seem challenging, especially if you live far away or if your loved one is living with health, cognitive, or mobility limitations. So, what can we do to help? Try some of the following:
But what if this loneliness becomes something more: depression. Depression can be a vicious circle for those who already feel lonely; causing a low mood or lack of motivation which makes it very difficult for them to spend time with others. When they withdraw from others, the feelings of loneliness can increase. This can in turn deepen depression. And the lack of interaction with others may cause other health issues such as: Alzheimer’s, dementia, or other cognitive health problems. Watch for the signs of depression: feelings of hopelessness, loss of interest in activities, changes in sleep or appetite, and thoughts of suicide. If you suspect your loved one is suffering from depression, talk with them. Let them know they are not alone. If the depression is serious, suggest they see a doctor for medication, or that they speak with a therapist. Offer to go with them to the doctor if they are afraid to go alone. Support them as they take the steps to improve their lives. Following up on my last blog about the Winter Blues, I would like to address a special population directly, those who often suffer from depression the most. So, this is for anyone over the age of 60, and from one of your peers – me. I don’t particularly care for the term “elderly” so I am going to instead use senior, a term I can better identify with. There is an issue that is growing in our population, Isolation, loneliness and depression. This is a silent struggle that often goes unnoticed. Many seniors find themselves grappling with a profound sense of solitude and depression.
Aging is a natural part of life's journey, and with it comes a myriad of changes - physical, emotional, and social. As we enter our senior years, and throughout the 40 years that make it up (60-100+), the social landscape can transform into unfamiliar terrain, and multiple times at that. Children grow up, friends move away, and the once-familiar faces may become distant memories. In this process, we can find ourselves standing on the precipice of isolation, peering into a void that threatens to engulf our sense of purpose and belonging. Loneliness is not merely a lack of companionship; it's the absence of meaningful connections that once defined our daily lives. Social interactions that were once abundant may dwindle, leaving behind a void that cannot be easily filled. Anyone living alone, and at any age, can face these feelings. Whether retired or working, we need to face loneliness head on. And please, if you haven’t retired yet, plan, plan, plan for it as loneliness and depression are more likely. I recall my mother struggling with meaning in her mid-60’s. It was then that she added several activities to her life: hospital volunteer; Eucharistic home-bound ministry at her church; and her ladies stretching, exercising, and friendship group. These activities carried her through her late 70’s; adding meaning, friendships, and reducing her loneliness. If loneliness is there, but also depression, making changes may only be part of what needs to happen to get back into a good place. Feeling down occasionally, lonely, anxious, sad, or “empty” is normal. However, if these feelings persist for weeks or months, it could signify a more serious depression. Here are some signs of depression to watch for in yourself or another: Feelings of hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness, Irritability, restlessness, or having trouble sitting still, Loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, Decreased energy or fatigue, Moving or talking more slowly, Difficulty with concentration, memory, or decision-making, Changes in sleep habits, such as trouble falling asleep, waking up too early, or sleeping too much, Changes in appetite Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts. If you are facing depression, or stuck in loneliness and isolation pre-depression, please remember you are not alone. Sometimes it means reaching out to an old friend. Or, finding a new friend group or two as my mother found. Maybe taking a class in something you’ve been interested in will help. But if those things don’t help, or you checked off more than two of the first 9 symptoms above, or just the 10th, talk with your doctor as well as someone close to you. If you know a senior who seems to be struggling and is not getting help, offer to listen and encourage them to go to their doctor. Sometimes more than a change is needed to resolve the issue. Only by addressing it with their doctor will they be able to get the medication needed to help them. And having your support may be what they need to take that step. Both of my parents often said in their 80’s that “getting older is not for sissies.” And they are right. But dad also had his humor until the end. He celebrated every holiday, birthday, and family get-together as a special event, golfed every week – 3 times, played poker with his buddies monthly, and went to a support meeting at least twice a week. He lived. My mother lived. I watched a birthday special for Dick Van Dyke’s 98th birthday this month. His message was to keep moving …” get your living done first, and have the nerve to try something. Failure’s OK. “ So, take a risk: call the doctor; call a friend, sign up for a class; join a book group; move closer to friends or family; go to a Bible study; play poker with your buddies; learn to garden at your pace whether pots, raised bed, or in the ground; and keep moving. Finley is one of my biggest joys as my pup. Getting a dog or cat for a pet reduces depression and improves health. But take a risk…You may have to learn new ways to live at 68 or 75 or 83, as life and our bodies change. Remember my dad’s face … and keep smiling, keep getting out, and revise your activities and life as needed. As Betty White said: “Don’t try to be young. Stay interested in stuff.” The holidays are over. Lights taken down, decorations packed away, candles blown out. Maybe you’re more aware of the brevity of our days, the darkness or grayness of the weather and short days, or the loneliness as all of the activity has ended and you’re back at work full-time. While some of this is very normal and natural; feelings of depression, isolation, anxiety, or simply "feeling down" which are intense or last for more than two weeks can be a symptom of a more serious problem--depression.
Frequently the holidays bring to the surface long avoided feelings of loneliness, discouragement, or dissatisfaction with family relationships. You may find you feel disconnected from others, that you don't count, or that no one cares for you. Often food, music, and work are used to push away those feelings. But in bed, late at night, you're aware of the feelings again. And with no holiday to look forward to, it’s even harder to keep going. It is important to determine whether the blues are temporary or are a symptom of depression. If it’s been more than 10-14 days, it's time to consider emotional reasons for depression. If they are deep and/or began in November, you might also need to consider whether you have seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Generally, the holiday blues will resolve with no extra effort within a few weeks. While you may feel sad, tired, or distressed, you are able to handle everyday activities and responsibilities. Spring may become your goal as you deal with rain or the spring break vacation coming up. You are moving forward. Depression is more intense than the "blues". First, the hope in the vacation or spring or some other experience is not present. Depression is interfering with your daily life. What used to be enjoyable may now feel like a burden. In fact, getting out of bed in the morning may be more than you can handle some days. Other warning signs are:
First, see a therapist for a complete evaluation. For years studies have indicated that therapy along with anti-depressants is more effective than anti-depressants alone. Naturopaths and others also have good luck with herbal remedies many times. Then, increase physical activity as exercise allows the body to produce more endorphins which increases mood. Minimize the amount of sugar and flour you eat as these foods increase depression. Finally, get adequate but not excessive rest--six to nine hours per night. If this sounds like too much, choose one to try for the next week. If you don’t have success, then call one of the professionals I mentioned above. If you don’t know someone, ask a friend for a referral. You might also try the following:
#thewholenessinstitute The Advent season is a time of preparation for the coming of Christmas and the reminder of the birth of Jesus. What does this mean for us in our everyday hurried lives during this busy season? To me, it is a time of peace, hope and joy. Let’s focus on the hope today. Hold onto the thought that hope will get us through. That doesn’t mean that we always get what we hope for, but that we are, in the end, always protected and strengthened to get through what comes in our lives.
Is your holiday season different this year? Maybe you must work and can’t be at events with family or friends. Perhaps you are feeling depressed and anxious already, and as you are learning to manage it, with holidays upon you, you are feeling you’ll never get hold of the emotions. It’s possible someone close to you died this year, and the point of holidays seems removed from you. Or maybe you are struggling with an illness and so the thought of holidays, food, or get-togethers just isn’t as important to you as you deal with the illness. Whatever may be different this year for you, perhaps we can simplify it a bit and make your holidays not just manageable but truly meaningful.
1 Breathe In, Breathe Out: Finding Calm Amidst the Chaos Keep calm and take 3 deep, slow breaths. So, the idea here is to just stop – slow down – breath. For those of you who have anxiety, pain, or need to take a bit more time, I love this practice and recommend it regularly. For the breaths:
My struggle during the holidays is perfectionism. I tend to want everything impeccably done – from perfectly wrapped gifts to a flawlessly decorated home. Over the years, I've learned to prioritize and let go of unrealistic expectations. As Brene Brown wisely puts it, I strive for healthy goals rather than falling into the trap of perfectionism. By avoiding paralysis and exhaustion, I aim for a balanced and enjoyable holiday season, recognizing that some years may be minimal while others are more involved. The key is to move through the holidays in a healthier way, ensuring a better start to the new year on January 1. 3 Shopping Simplified: A Guide to Thoughtful Gifting Consider alternative, stress-free ways for gift-giving, especially if you're facing health challenges, financial constraints, or a lack of shopping energy. Opt for online orders, catalog browsing, or thoughtful gift cards that can be easily purchased through your computer, tablet, or a simple phone call. Another heartfelt approach is sharing homemade treats or creating personalized gifts, such as notes of appreciation or cherished memories. These gestures can forge connections and bring joy without the need for extensive shopping expeditions. You can get creative. Check out Pinterest for ideas. Ask your friends for their thoughts or what they’ve done. The goal here is to keep it simple and low stress whatever you choose to purchase or make. 4 Downtime: The Secret Ingredient to a Balanced Holiday While prioritizing rest may seem mundane, it's a crucial step, especially when combating fatigue. Fatigue impairs our ability to navigate life effectively. Mental Health America emphasizes that rest isn't just about regaining energy; it regulates hormones, aids muscle repair, enhances cognitive functions, and acts as a buffer against depression and headaches. Consider the wisdom of our canine companions—experts at ensuring they get the rest they need. As a dog owner, I've learned from my dog's trainer that downtime is essential for both the pet and owner relationship. Just as my dog needs it to relax, I need it to maintain a sense of control and well-being. Therefore, for your own sake, prioritize and book your downtime first. 5 Feelings: Acknowledging and Embracing Navigating holiday emotions can be challenging when there's pressure to be constantly cheerful. However, acknowledging and processing your true feelings is essential for a smoother journey through this season. Whether through journaling, confiding in a friend, talking to a therapist, expressing yourself through art, or simply recognizing your emotions, taking these steps helps you own and understand your feelings. Avoiding emotions only delays their expression and may lead to unintended outbursts. Devote just five minutes to journaling or quiet reflection—it can make a significant difference in overcoming emotional bottlenecks. 6 Mindful Consumption: Balancing Indulgence and Wellness While indulging during the holidays is common, it's crucial to maintain balance. Remember to stay hydrated, incorporate exercise or walks, limit sugars and alcohol, and uphold your usual vitamin and self-care routines. Even one day of following these guidelines contributes to better overall health. If dealing with addiction, prioritize sobriety, considering extra meetings if needed. Explore available support during Christmas, as many areas offer 24-hour meetings for those struggling. The holiday season isn't about the quantity of challenges but how we carry them. Embrace spiritual practices, whether through reading, meditation, or attending religious services, to stay grounded. Take time for rest, reflection, and connection with your spiritual beliefs, fostering a sense of peace and vitality. Ensure a day of rest, reflecting on gratitude and spiritual connection, throughout the holiday season. Prioritize self-care amidst the week's hectic pace, approaching each day in December with a focus on your well-being rather than conforming to perceived expectations. 7 Spiritual Connection: Nourishing the Soul Don’t forget to take time to connect with and nurture your soul. Whether it’s meditation, reading a spiritual book or the Bible, or taking a walk in nature, feed your soul during this hectic season. Sometimes when the holidays get hectic, we forget to pray and ask for guidance. We tend to put God on a shelf because we would rather be getting things done rather than praying about what needs to be done. But God will never be outdone in generosity. Give time to prayer and meditation and you’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish. As we embark on this journey together, remember that the holidays are not about the challenges we face but how we live through them. Join us in creating a season of simplicity, mindfulness, and genuine joy. Stay tuned for insights, tips, and a sprinkle of inspiration to make this holiday season your most meaningful one yet. Take care, Dr. Beth
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