Depression is Not a Dirty Word - But We Do Need Help to Heal
,What is the common denominator in the following? Holidays, Prozac, Intimacy, Relationship, and Family. According to the American Association for Marriage and Therapy (AAMFT) and the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) the common denominator is depression. It may be that one or both people in the couple suffer from depression. With an estimated 14.8 million adults and 1 in 33 children and 1 in 8 adolescents in the US suffering from major or clinical depression annually, that's a lot of people! And that excludes other kinds of depression. And even if it is only one party who is experiencing depression - the depressive symptoms affect both people in the relationship and the vast effect it has on their intimacy - sexual or otherwise. Both partners will have issues to resolve after the depression lifts as they stabilize their relationship.
Martha Manning, PhD, a clinical psychologist who has suffered depression, comments: "my feeling is that depression hits like a tornado and the effects of it proceed long after the symptoms have been addressed. Now it is the constant in the relationship." Her spouse added, "I must deal with almost redefining intimacy and sexuality... I would never want my wife to return to her premeditation days because that to me felt more isolating" (Family Therapy News, June 1998). Depressive symptoms that affect relationships include sexual dysfunction both due to depression and from the medications; isolation and withdrawal; anger or rage cycles; feelings of hopelessness, guilt, sadness, and worthlessness; poor concentration and decision making; and, sleep problems. While everyone in the relationship with a person suffering from depression is affected, close friends and especially spouses must deal with it daily and more intimately.
While the depressive symptoms can be helped by herbs or medication, psychotherapy, chiropractic care, nutritional changes, and exercise, or a combination of all of these methods, it is the relationships that too often are hurt and the hurt never addressed. The couple needs to talk about the effect of the depression on their relationship, re-establish their intimacy, and get help for any sexual dysfunction. In addition, as shame is often a core issue for both partners it's important the illness be understood by both in order to overcome the shame. As a doctor was recently overheard saying to a patient with depression: "Would you hide the diagnosis and quit if you had diabetes instead of depression? Of course not." And although societal shame and lack of education may try to keep depression "under the rug", the truth is the more it is in the light and swept out from under the rug, the sooner and more easily relationships and families can heal together.
Together go talk with a therapist about what is happening in your relationship and look for information and support. Give us a call to ask about resources beyond therapy for depression, we're here to help. The gray mist WILL lift and life and your relationship will be fulfilling again. In the words of Albert Camus: "From the depths of winter I found an invincible summer."
Martha Manning, PhD, a clinical psychologist who has suffered depression, comments: "my feeling is that depression hits like a tornado and the effects of it proceed long after the symptoms have been addressed. Now it is the constant in the relationship." Her spouse added, "I must deal with almost redefining intimacy and sexuality... I would never want my wife to return to her premeditation days because that to me felt more isolating" (Family Therapy News, June 1998). Depressive symptoms that affect relationships include sexual dysfunction both due to depression and from the medications; isolation and withdrawal; anger or rage cycles; feelings of hopelessness, guilt, sadness, and worthlessness; poor concentration and decision making; and, sleep problems. While everyone in the relationship with a person suffering from depression is affected, close friends and especially spouses must deal with it daily and more intimately.
While the depressive symptoms can be helped by herbs or medication, psychotherapy, chiropractic care, nutritional changes, and exercise, or a combination of all of these methods, it is the relationships that too often are hurt and the hurt never addressed. The couple needs to talk about the effect of the depression on their relationship, re-establish their intimacy, and get help for any sexual dysfunction. In addition, as shame is often a core issue for both partners it's important the illness be understood by both in order to overcome the shame. As a doctor was recently overheard saying to a patient with depression: "Would you hide the diagnosis and quit if you had diabetes instead of depression? Of course not." And although societal shame and lack of education may try to keep depression "under the rug", the truth is the more it is in the light and swept out from under the rug, the sooner and more easily relationships and families can heal together.
Together go talk with a therapist about what is happening in your relationship and look for information and support. Give us a call to ask about resources beyond therapy for depression, we're here to help. The gray mist WILL lift and life and your relationship will be fulfilling again. In the words of Albert Camus: "From the depths of winter I found an invincible summer."