Hope for Healing Your Internal Ache
What is that empty spot in your heart, soul, being? Many have an internal ache of loneliness, fear, or pain. There are some individuals who live with the internal ache so profound it changes their basic persona. How would you describe your pain or ache? Does it debilitate you? Do you have hope that you can overcome it?
When the ache destroys or hides the real person a serious disorder develops called a personality disorder. These are disorders that are developed as a way to cope with the pain and protect the fragile core of the soul that remains immature. Mom’s seem to be most loved and most blamed women in the world. Loved and cherished by us as children, the role of mom is one of the most powerful in the development of children. “That’s not news” some of you say. “You have been telling us about attachment and the importance of mom for years in this newsletter.” Well, that is true. But the recent research I did for my dissertation has again proved this fact.
My study specifically addressed Borderline Personality Disorder, a disorder of the self in which an individual feels very empty, alone, anxious, sometimes very angry, may self-injure, is very depressed and suicidal at times, and very needy. This is a general description, each individual is a bit different, but in great psychic pain and in whose partners and friends pain is often inflicted beyond their desire to so injure. Think of the movie and book from a few years ago, “Girl, interrupted” and you have a picture of the internal and external pain and chaos caused by this disorder. Interestingly, while the research of the past has often pointed to sexual abuse by a family member to be highly correlated with the later development of BPD, I have run into many women, and men, who search their minds with no memory or experience of such abuse. But, and very importantly, who clearly remember early separations from mom and/or dad, mothers who could not be emotionally present for them, mamas who didn’t know how to nurture and care for the little girl she had birthed. Can you relate to parts of this? Did you have a mama who encouraged you to be who you are from the core, not from some preconceived idea of what was right or acceptable? Did you have a daddy who encouraged you to try new things and stayed with you as you attempted that jump? If you can relate to this it doesn’t mean you have BPD but points to the degree to which developing children need nurturing, caring, responsive mamas and daddys.
So, what does this mean for you? If you know someone who you would describe as above, or perhaps that person is you, there is hope. And you don’t need to look and search for that missing link of sexual abuse.
Whether you have BPD or not, there are ways to reach into that wounded place and begin to heal. A critical piece of recovery is coming to identify a mother, mama, mommy figure who can accept and love you just as you are—not as they believe you are to be. This can be a friend, a therapist, Mother-God, Mary the Mother of Jesus, or any other loving and caring mother person. Then, you can begin looking at what traits make up a loving parent. Is it gentleness you missed? Or firm belief in you as you? Perhaps it is consistency. Once you have identified it then put yourself in a position to truly risk and experience these very gifts from your mother figure. A relationship with your “mother” can assist you in repairing the wound of distrust and build new resources to handle your feelings and experiences.
I have two experiences I’d like to share with you in this regard. One was a moment I trusted my therapist with my pain and he reached out and was there so patiently and lovingly that I was taken very much aback. But from that moment on, I knew what it was to be cared for. Incredible—the risk so worth it. A second time was recently on Cursillo when I realized so much more deeply than ever before that family and love exist for me through my spirituality and faith walk, and also through my family and friends and companions on the journey. We never need be alone—if we risk to reach out to those who have committed to us and offered safety and love.
So, what about you? Can you receive balm and healing for your wounded part of the soul? Absolutely—and even through the maelstrom of emotion and inner journey to recovery opens—healing is real and is there for you.
Listen to the words of a young man named Samuel after his work: “There are no final results; no victory flags or parades; no shouts of congratulations. Just knowing that it’s gotten a whole lot better. Never perfect, just better. It all comes from inside. You feel better about yourself, others… The reward is our freedom from, let’s call it, the dark side… Trust me, with time you will get stronger and start to see the differences that you are making.” (“The Angry Heart”, P. 245-246, by Santoro and Cohen).
Take a risk toward more trusting and loving relationships—and realize them.
When the ache destroys or hides the real person a serious disorder develops called a personality disorder. These are disorders that are developed as a way to cope with the pain and protect the fragile core of the soul that remains immature. Mom’s seem to be most loved and most blamed women in the world. Loved and cherished by us as children, the role of mom is one of the most powerful in the development of children. “That’s not news” some of you say. “You have been telling us about attachment and the importance of mom for years in this newsletter.” Well, that is true. But the recent research I did for my dissertation has again proved this fact.
My study specifically addressed Borderline Personality Disorder, a disorder of the self in which an individual feels very empty, alone, anxious, sometimes very angry, may self-injure, is very depressed and suicidal at times, and very needy. This is a general description, each individual is a bit different, but in great psychic pain and in whose partners and friends pain is often inflicted beyond their desire to so injure. Think of the movie and book from a few years ago, “Girl, interrupted” and you have a picture of the internal and external pain and chaos caused by this disorder. Interestingly, while the research of the past has often pointed to sexual abuse by a family member to be highly correlated with the later development of BPD, I have run into many women, and men, who search their minds with no memory or experience of such abuse. But, and very importantly, who clearly remember early separations from mom and/or dad, mothers who could not be emotionally present for them, mamas who didn’t know how to nurture and care for the little girl she had birthed. Can you relate to parts of this? Did you have a mama who encouraged you to be who you are from the core, not from some preconceived idea of what was right or acceptable? Did you have a daddy who encouraged you to try new things and stayed with you as you attempted that jump? If you can relate to this it doesn’t mean you have BPD but points to the degree to which developing children need nurturing, caring, responsive mamas and daddys.
So, what does this mean for you? If you know someone who you would describe as above, or perhaps that person is you, there is hope. And you don’t need to look and search for that missing link of sexual abuse.
Whether you have BPD or not, there are ways to reach into that wounded place and begin to heal. A critical piece of recovery is coming to identify a mother, mama, mommy figure who can accept and love you just as you are—not as they believe you are to be. This can be a friend, a therapist, Mother-God, Mary the Mother of Jesus, or any other loving and caring mother person. Then, you can begin looking at what traits make up a loving parent. Is it gentleness you missed? Or firm belief in you as you? Perhaps it is consistency. Once you have identified it then put yourself in a position to truly risk and experience these very gifts from your mother figure. A relationship with your “mother” can assist you in repairing the wound of distrust and build new resources to handle your feelings and experiences.
I have two experiences I’d like to share with you in this regard. One was a moment I trusted my therapist with my pain and he reached out and was there so patiently and lovingly that I was taken very much aback. But from that moment on, I knew what it was to be cared for. Incredible—the risk so worth it. A second time was recently on Cursillo when I realized so much more deeply than ever before that family and love exist for me through my spirituality and faith walk, and also through my family and friends and companions on the journey. We never need be alone—if we risk to reach out to those who have committed to us and offered safety and love.
So, what about you? Can you receive balm and healing for your wounded part of the soul? Absolutely—and even through the maelstrom of emotion and inner journey to recovery opens—healing is real and is there for you.
Listen to the words of a young man named Samuel after his work: “There are no final results; no victory flags or parades; no shouts of congratulations. Just knowing that it’s gotten a whole lot better. Never perfect, just better. It all comes from inside. You feel better about yourself, others… The reward is our freedom from, let’s call it, the dark side… Trust me, with time you will get stronger and start to see the differences that you are making.” (“The Angry Heart”, P. 245-246, by Santoro and Cohen).
Take a risk toward more trusting and loving relationships—and realize them.