Who Are You Waiting For?
I have an annoying bit of news for you. You aren’t going to want to hear it, most likely. You will not be happy to have heard it. You will want to ignore it. But, if you are still reading—and courageous enough to keep reading—I’ll tell you a secret. You are the one you have been waiting for all these years. Yup! It’s been you all along! You know the times you’ve looked for “someone” to take care of you? You’re it! And remember the times you’ve told others “someone” should take care of or change or do something about ___(you fill in the blank here)? You were the one then, too!
June Jordan wrote a poem in the 1970’s for South African Women simply titled: “Poem for South African Women” in which she speaks of the standing up of women, together, all over the world and below the sea. This rising was new and in defense of life and yet done through love and peace. And it came from finally becoming aware, they were who they were waiting for all along. She says in an interview: “You begin with your fear of the kids on the block” and this grows to be fear of one group versus another, then one country versus another. Until finally, she says, it all goes back to “your own inner cage”. Only when we realize this, and face ourselves, will change occur.
This is the truth and the pain of psychotherapy. Only as one faces what has happened in one’s life and takes responsibility for life today, and changes today, or at least takes the first baby step toward change, will any one of us come to a sense of peace within. So I have an idea. Consider what one thing is that will cause you pain over the next month. Is it remembering past holidays with a loved one who is no longer in your life? Is it the overwhelm of too many things to do and places to be? Is it fear of what the gift buying will do to you financially? Is it a tiny voice within that says: “I’m lonely”? Is it the hangover, once again, after an evening out of celebration—or an evening at home alone? Whatever it is, stop. Notice it. Name it. Draw it. Face it. Then, think about what might help. Reducing the list? Going to an AA meeting? Telling a friend you really do need some time together during this month and ask her/him to plan it early? Going to church and savoring the ritual that reminds you that you are not alone, that life is still here and you are in it and a part of it? It doesn’t matter so much what you do. It is the moment of noticing. Then doing one thing to take care of yourself and that pain. After all, you are the one you’ve been waiting for to care.
June Jordan wrote a poem in the 1970’s for South African Women simply titled: “Poem for South African Women” in which she speaks of the standing up of women, together, all over the world and below the sea. This rising was new and in defense of life and yet done through love and peace. And it came from finally becoming aware, they were who they were waiting for all along. She says in an interview: “You begin with your fear of the kids on the block” and this grows to be fear of one group versus another, then one country versus another. Until finally, she says, it all goes back to “your own inner cage”. Only when we realize this, and face ourselves, will change occur.
This is the truth and the pain of psychotherapy. Only as one faces what has happened in one’s life and takes responsibility for life today, and changes today, or at least takes the first baby step toward change, will any one of us come to a sense of peace within. So I have an idea. Consider what one thing is that will cause you pain over the next month. Is it remembering past holidays with a loved one who is no longer in your life? Is it the overwhelm of too many things to do and places to be? Is it fear of what the gift buying will do to you financially? Is it a tiny voice within that says: “I’m lonely”? Is it the hangover, once again, after an evening out of celebration—or an evening at home alone? Whatever it is, stop. Notice it. Name it. Draw it. Face it. Then, think about what might help. Reducing the list? Going to an AA meeting? Telling a friend you really do need some time together during this month and ask her/him to plan it early? Going to church and savoring the ritual that reminds you that you are not alone, that life is still here and you are in it and a part of it? It doesn’t matter so much what you do. It is the moment of noticing. Then doing one thing to take care of yourself and that pain. After all, you are the one you’ve been waiting for to care.